Last January, I decided to share what God’s been cultivating within me — by launching Curious Compassion as a monthly essay. It was by no means a way of saying, “I’ve got this.” It was more a way of holding myself accountable as the Lord did His work in me and a way to help others who may be on the same journey: learning the way of compassion in the wake of decisions you don’t understand or agree with. Or when those closest to you are suffering.
2023 brought me many opportunities to show compassion. Sometimes, my eyes were clear enough to see them as exactly that — opportunities to share the love of Jesus with those who needed it. But just as often, I saw them as burdens; just another thing getting in the way of my agenda for the day — for my life. I pray that isn’t always the case, I pray that someday “my life” is usurped by “His life” within me. I pray my eyesight becomes as crisp as Jesus’. But my 2023 vision was cloudy at best.
That said, here are 12 key takeaways from 2023 – some pulled from monthly installments of Curious Compassion and some lessons learned in between.
Twelve Takeaways of 2023 (in no particular order)
According to The Center for Compassion and Altruism Research, compassion means “to suffer with”...The call to “suffer with” is not one I naturally heed. Instead, my most natural inclinations are to try to cheer someone up or to escape.
That said, sometimes “escape” can be a necessary kind of sabbath before re-engaging in long-term suffering.
Compassion doesn’t solve problems quickly. Instead, it asks us to hold grace-filled space for complex humans; understanding that healing can’t be hurried.
Judgement blocks our ability to be compassionate. And judgment begins with assuming we know how or why someone found themselves in a specific situation. Two postures can help interrupt this cycle: the first is a recognition of our status as sinners saved by grace. And the other is curiosity. God graciously and regularly gives me insight into my sin, but I have a long way to go when it comes to growth in curiosity.
Compassion does not “fix” us, but it can provide good, fertile soil for growth. We are unable to force growth to occur. Growth is a process led solely by the Spirit of God.
A scarcity mindset also blocks our ability to show compassion. When we believe we lack time, resources, or the ability to care, we won’t serve. Or we’ll lash out at those who need our service. The only anecdote to this is knowing we have all we need in Jesus — and he is not stingy.
God doesn’t seem too worried about moving us past or through our problems very quickly — if at all. He seems more inclined to offer “withness.”
The world’s view of self-care points to respite from the troubles of life. But sometimes it’s in moving toward others going through similar pain and generously offering them what we wish would be provided to us, that we’re healed.
At the same time, sometimes the most compassionate thing we can do for everyone is to offer ourselves a bit of mothering (i.e. a warm blanket while drinking hot chocolate on the couch and watching Harry Potter). Tenderly parenting ourselves can be an essential form of self-compassion.
Community is essential to the work of compassion. Caretakers get weary. While we shouldn’t ever feel bad about asking for help, we do have to acknowledge that a village is wise. Calling upon the same person for help time and time again will eventually weary that person(s).
The definition of compassion that I’ve developed over time, is “The recognition and practice of our communal need for one another.”
When our identities are rooted in our accomplishments: how hard we’ve worked, how we’ve taken care of our health, wealth, or provided for our loved ones, then we’ll struggle to understand those from different walks of life or those who’ve made decisions unlike ours. Identity derived from these categories results in separation as opposed to unity. Instead, we must find our identity as a member of God’s family; as humans made in the image of God who may be in positions to help other humans made in the image of God.
Happy New Year friends.
Here’s to more compassion in 2024!
Brandy
A couple of months ago I had the opportunity to chat with my friend Anna Rachel Bolch, on her podcast, For Your Formation. We talked about how our early faith walks shaped our thoughts on Compassion, how those thoughts have evolved, and how we might engage in ways that maybe aren’t as “iconic” as Mother Theresa’s, but are meaningful nonetheless.
If you enjoyed Curious Compassion this year would you consider becoming a paid subscriber?
The more folks who contribute financially, the more opportunity I have to continue using my free time to write and hopefully — one day, publish a full-length book.
I enjoyed reading your review of the year in the exploration of compassion. I've come to many of these conclusions or lived them, with difficulty myself. However, I find your new definition of compassion built on these truths really interesting. It caught me off guard but in the context you presented, I get it. Thanks for sharing this!